Doctor Feelgood

I'm kind of a sickly person. You people that know me, I know, you could be knocked over by a feather. I've kind of reconciled myself with this. I'm allergic to most everything a person could be allergic to, in fact, I find new things that I'm allergic to every year. It's fun. It's like a surprise that could kill you or cause hives. I make jokes because really, what else could I do? For the first year Smitty and I were married, and I was literally sick ALL the time, it wasn't funny. I thought I was actually allergic to him, and I had made a massive mistake, but as it turns out, Birmingham just makes my lungs want to stop functioning...whew, big relief.

So, in conjunction with my sickliness, I take cholesterol meds, depression meds, and I'm supposed to take allergy shots twice a week, but I kinda stopped doing that when I was having gall bladder issues like a year ago, soo...as spring blooms, so does my ridiculous aversion to anything that blooms. It could be triggered by anything, dust, mold, pet hair, etc...

When I say I should be in a bubble, I'm actually only partially kidding. Were it not for Benadryl and Claritin or the generic brand, my blessed Loratadine, I'd be dead. Not dead, like "Oh my God, she had a case of the closed-up throat and died," but I would've scratched all my skin off due to some freaky topical allergy, and therefore, would've exposed my inner organs like Freddy Krueger....and died...or gone insane from aforementioned itching plus nasal insubordination, and would've gone crazy, perhaps leaping out into night traffic....and died....

And the thing is, my mother is the biggest hypochondriac that ever lived, and I so do NOT want to morph into that person, but I genuinely am ill when I say I am. I don't say it to garner attention. I like to sleep, but I don't much enjoy sick person attention. People condescend to you, which, as you should know, I will kill you if you do to me, so I don't enjoy being the convalescing one. However, I do enjoy saying, "I have a headache; shut up, or I will take out your endocrine system." Because, seriously, migraines are no joke. I'd like to think there is a strong correlation between migraines and above-average intelligence...that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.