Well, it's official, I have returned to the South, as of two weeks ago, and I feel like I fell down the rabbit hole, to some extent.
Not to sound like a prententious snob, but I can barely find decent coffee here, I went on a job interview, lamenting the fact that I don't have a business suit anymore, only to be met with people who were literally in street clothes, and I've been to Wal-Mart twice and marveled at some who are a little lower down in the evolutionary chain..okay, maybe I am a pretentious snob.
What's funny is when I was in Philly, I looked down my nose at them just as much and thought about the more genteel way of life down South. The grass is always greener, I suppose.
So, I've been unemployed now for about 3 weeks, and I'm starting to get antsy. And, funnily enough, it turns out that in Philly, I was grossly underqualified, and in Mississippi, I'm grossly overqualified. Ain't that a kick in the head? I'm sure I'll find the humor soon, after my bank account stops dwindling at a somewhat alarming rate.
I have made no progress toward graduate school, but that's because I'm currently plagued with a terrible Internet connection and a computer that has what looks like diet Dr. Pepper spilled on the mouse pad..(thanks, Dad)and a number of viruses that my parents "accidentally" download. OY.
I am still going to graduate school, no flaking out here, but I do think I have needed a proverbial fire lit under my ass. I believe a mere two weeks in Mississippi has ignited the flame.
Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying my family and my friends, but it is clearer to me than ever before, that if I were to stay here without an endpoint in sight, I would end up in Ye Olde Padded Room by the age of 30, which I don't mind saying, isn't that far away.
So, I'm regrouping, saving money (just as soon as I get that whole pesky unemployment thing out of the way) and trying to take it a little easier on myself than I did in Philadelphia, both physically and mentally, before I embark on grad school and really throw myself into another different world.
I've been down the last couple of days, wondering if I made the right decision, but I can't second guess myself anymore. I do that too much, and it makes me want to jump out of my skin and smack myself.
As I mentioned before, I'm almost 30 years old, and it's time to decide what I want to be when I grow up.
I think I'm a damn good writer, or have the potential to be, and that's what I want to work toward. Maybe no one will ever read anything I write professionally, or maybe I'll be on the bestseller's list, but what I can't and won't do is look back for the rest of my life and wonder "what if" because I didn't pursue this with ever fiber of my being.
I may have made many ill-advised decisions in my life, but I refuse to ever wonder what might have been. This results in my getting hurt a higher percentage than a lot of people, but one thing I will never shy away from is following my heart and my passions.
If I died tomorrow, I have no doubt that a collective comment about me would be, "She always did things with passion and was full of life and had strength and courage," and that's not a bad legacy to leave behind at all.
However, I hope to add as much to that as I can between now and age 70 or 104 or whatever age I am when I leave this earth after taking the world by storm in some way or another.
