I need to make some changes in my life. Period. That's all there is. As much as I love my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants existence, I don't think I can sustain it into my 90s..and I plan on being a very sassy 90 -year-old.
I need to quit smoking once and for all, and I need to start exercising regularly, and I need to do what makes ME happy and feel fulfilled. Of course, first I need to figure that out, but maybe that's the fun part.
Maybe I won't have the children I thought I'd have, or maybe I will, or maybe I'll adopt or be a super cool stepmother, but I can't even get to that point until I resemble a stable adult, or something close to it. I can't really justify my woman-child-ness for much longer.
I also need to recognize that maybe I need therapy. There's no shame in that, either. Maybe we all need therapy. I certainly know some people to whom I'd recommend it. And, see, I just did something I'm also going to try to stop..being negative. I can't stop being cynical, or I'll die, but I can try to stop being nasty and negative, even if I think I'm right or within my bounds. It doesn't make me feel good, and it's not healthy.
Yes, I feel people have hurt me, but my reaction controls my attitude and emotional well-being, so I need to rise above or whatever the New Age take might be to move past it. Other people's emotional fuckwitted-ness need not rule my life, no matter the flowery words behind it. I wish to be happy, me, and I don't really need anyone else's take on how I need to achieve it.
I'm going to write more...really write, creatively, short stories and poetry and submit them and try to use my talent or whatever it is and see if it's really anything, or if I'm just a semi-professional blogger. It's the only thing I enjoy, so I hope that is not the case.
So, there you go....a starting point. We'll see how it goes.
