Geez, I've kind of abandoned this poor little blog that I started over a year ago, and I feel badly for it. However, I've gotten addicted to MySpace, and it's to just blog a quick thing every couple of days on there.
You know, recently I was thinking about how men suck. Not individually, because I have some awesome male friends that I wouldn't trade for anything, but as a whole, the male population consists of a bunch of ass clowns, and are they really punished or criticized for it? Not really.
Point in case: I was watching a commercial the other day for this new show "Love Monkey" with that guy from "Ed" on it. The entire premise of the show is that he's a bit of a cad, the title of the show referring to the fact that he "hops" from branch to branch because he's scared of commitment. And we're supposed to watch this, and think, "Oh, how cute. The sexy little man uses women like Kleenex," and this is supposed to be entertaining?
I admit, I'm a tad bitter right now, having just had a break-up after a year-long, quite frankly puzzling relationship, and it's entirely possible that I'm jaded beyond rational thought right now.
You see, I meet A LOT of "Love Monkeys," so pardon me if I don't think it's particularly cute.
And in these shows and movies, etc..where the guy is deathly afraid of commitment, there's always an A-HA (exclamation, not the '80s band) where they meet that one amazing woman who changes them, allays their commitment fears and everyone lives happily ever after, more or less.
So, am I to believe that I'm incapable of being that amazing woman for these commitment phobes, that invariably they'll go about their lives without me, jumping from branch to branch until they find that goddess of perfection they've been looking for? It sounds whacked and paranoid, I know, but what the fuck?
I think I'm pretty amazing, actually, but damn if I don't keep getting kicked in the teeth by relationships and left questioning my worth and future afterwards.
I am trying beyond all rational thought not to become bitter, but so far, that has not been terribly successful.
I have men currently interested in me, and all I can think is "What's the point? It will all turn to black hell eventually." I mean, that can't be a healthy attitude.
I know for a certain fact that I don't want a commitment to anyone right now. I'm still quite raw from my last relationship, and I may still be smarting from the last 3 years, in fact.
But, the bottom line, is that I do want all that cheesy crap. I want a man who "gets" me, and I him, and I want children, and I don't want to make the mistakes in my own family that I've witnessed growing up.
Perhaps the truth is, that deep down, I'm not ready for all of that, and God is letting me know that by sending me people unworthy of my time and heart.
I don't know, really I don't, but I know that I have to do things that are best for myself and myself alone, and if being a serial dater for a while is what I need to do, that's what I'll do.
But I can't help missing that feeling of security I get when I snuggle up to sleep with someone that is familiar and safe and that I know would bring me soup if I were sick, whose shampoo or cologne clings to my sheets well after he's gone and makes me smile.
Okay, apparently, a Danielle Steel novel has taken over my body.
Enough of this sappy nonsense. Jesus, I have a reputation.
