So, here I am, two weeks ensconced in the new apartment. I am now a 36-year-old nearly divorced person living in a one-"bedroom apartment. What I've realized quickly, is that the stuff I demanded keeping for my own well-being (I don't do well with change), is a bit too much for this space. I'm kind of hemmed in by boxes, of mostly books, which I've tried to whittle down, but, these are my books! How do you decide? It's like Sophie's Choice, but obviously not.
I've had a brilliant idea, though. I am not a fan of most of the pictures I own. They either remind me of the icky part of my past or they just don't seem like "me." I am a huge fan of fortune cookie fortunes. I always get the ones that are super "not" fortunes, like "Let your smile be your umbrella," or "Each day is a ray of sunshine." I still love them, though. I still get excited when I read them at the end of a meal. I decided, because, when I moved into this apartment, there was a fortune stuck in the dishwasher, that I am going to buy a canvas and bring these fortunes to life. Send them to me; I'm not kidding. I also know nothing about art or canvasses. Gonna figure it out, like I figured out the hammer/toolkit and everything else for the past year.
I think I feel confused, but in a good way. I haven't actually had complete independence in about 9 years. It's liberating. I can hang pictures wherever I feel like. I can throw away hideous decorations that I did not choose, and some of them are doozies. Of course, sure, I sleep alone, and I could die with Piper eating my face after a day or so, but, actually, I don't think that will happen. Yes, my life is different, but it feels more intimate than it did a few years ago. I'm connecting with people again, and I have friendily (friends that are family). I feel more like me than I have in a long time, and I have the people around me to thank.
My awesome friend made a promise to take pictures every day of 2014, and I admire her for that. I thought, when she told me that, that I should write every day of this year. I've been bad thus far, but I really want to make that right. Writing is my salvation, confessor, and renewal, and if I don't do it, I can imagine what my life might be.
I guess I look to this year as a genuinely new beginning, a Renaissance-ily, because I need it. I need good things and good people and good energy in my life. I want to be a better person, a better friend, a better writer, a better companion, etc.....I just want to make even a small difference in the world. I want so many things and to do so many different things I've never tried. I think this is my year.
