My grandmother is sick, nothing they can put too fine a point on, but let's say her 91 year-old body has had enough of this world. She's rarely been sick a day in her life, in fact, I was certain she would enter the Guinness Book of Records by living to 150. The doctor hasn't given her more than weeks to live and so we've set about preparing for the inevitable.
It's very hard to see her helpless and nearly non-functioning in a hospital bed. My niece pointed out, that just at Christmas, she was trying to demonstrate touching her tongue to her nose. I'm named after her. My middle name before I got married was Beryl, and I detested it like any other kid who has a difference on which others can capitalize. Then, I realized in my 20s how stupid that was. Not only is it a truly unique name in a sea of same-named peers, but I got to be named after her, a spitfire of a woman that doesn't and never has taken crap from anyone.
We could argue, oh, how we could argue, but as the Indigo Girls song says, "After the battles and we're still around, everything once up in the air has settled down, sweep the ashes. Let the silence find us. The moment of peace is worth every war behind us." We argued because we were both hard-headed, and we always apologized the way people who love each other apologize, with tearful phone calls or hugs. I know that if she passed away tonight, she knows how loved she was, and our relationship was strong.
Especially since my dad died, I've come to see how important it is that things aren't left unsaid with your loved ones. You don't get to go back and make things right when they're gone, and then you have useless regret and guilt weighing on you for no reason. With my dad, now that the void he left isn't so painful, I can think about him and the countless happy memories we had and smile and know that relationship was good and important in my life. That's how I feel about my grandmother, "Mamaw."
My sister and I used to spend the night with my grandparents all the time; it was such a treat. She drove me to talent shows, spelling bees, hair appointments. She picked me up from school when I was sick, and one on eventful day, she called the doctor to make sure I wouldn't die from eating glue-covered popcorn from a kindergarten project. She also worried and still does to this day about my sister and I driving anywhere after dark or that's longer than an hour. She's by far the most nurturing member of our family, and I have yet to comprehend the loss when it's her time.
I know that it's in His hands, and he has given her a wonderful life. She'll get to go be with my grandfather, the 50 years+ love of her life, and they will watch over us, along with my dad. I'm almost jealous that they will all get to be together while we have to wait, but I know that's the way it needs to be. She and Daddy will probably fight anyway for the first 10 years.
