I've been neglecting my poor little blog; it's not that I have nothing to say..it's never that, as Smitty will attest, I've just lacked motivation or a truly brilliant stream of consciousness...
Also, per Smitty, I'm apparently not allowed to impart information that's too personal (refer to last blog where I announced his diabetes and my aching womb). We compromised; I won't mention his health issues, but I don't think my aching womb will be silent. I kid...mostly...we're not ready for that quite yet, but the number of people that are currently pregnant grows..I think the economy preventing society from going out as much is causing rampant sexual behavior. Perhaps our generation really will replace the Baby Boomers by repopulating them and then some..I predict Social Security to be saved right around my retirement...sweet.
I'm still smoke-free. I've had a few setbacks here and there, but I have been on the electronic cigarettes for about two weeks now, and I've come to the conclusion that they're the most brilliant invention since birth control and electricity. Now, I think they should create e-cocktails, e-fried pickles, and e-brownies. I haven't completely thought through the logistics, but I say, if we enjoy it, create an electronic simulation for it. People will buy it.
Speaking of smoking, I just saw the new, graphic labels that will be printed on cigarettes, and I find them ridiculous. First of all, they are far too incendiary to be put on a product that is sold out in the open, and second of all, smokers are going to smoke if they want to. Period. Take it from a person who once literally stuck strands of a person's hair into my nose to inhale the smoky wonder...it's not a casual addiction. Picture of a tracheotomy..no problem, you can get a Sharpie and create butterflies around the throat opening. I feel there will be a huge increase in the purchase of cigarette holders and cases so that you can simply throw away the attempted enforcement of morality after the fact and enjoy the slow acquisition of lung cancer in peace.
I'm trying to start psyching myself up for the '12 Presidential election.I feel it will be rife with shenanigans, as I know Sarah Palin will throw her bear skin in the ring at the last minute, and I am so excited for this. This is why I subscribe to Time. Except for every 4 years, each issue comes in week after week and mocks me with its intelligence, while I read about the Kardashians and Team Jacob vs. Team Edward in People and Entertainment Weekly. However, this I vow....once the presidential race heats up, I will use Time magazine as more than just a drink coaster. I will be knowledgeable, and I will inwardly mock....and outwardly mock, when warranted. I used to be smart and informed; I can get there again, I think. Yes, we (I) can!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Saturday, June 04, 2011
A cigarette, my kingdom for a cigarette
Smoking....oh, what an immediate gratification for something that is worse than than eating at McDonald's every day..I think, I dunno, I would never eat at McDonald's every day, but I've been a regular smoker since I was 14. It was totally a peer pressure thing, I won't lie, I was an awkward teenager with giant boobs and a minimal sense of social appropriateness. I wanted to talk about movies and books I had read, but 14-year-olds don't really want to talk about that kind of stuff. I wanted to fit in. At the time, both my parents smoked, so I wasn't averse to the idea, except that our house did smell like smoke all the time. I did what everyone else did.
Oh, how I wish I could've bucked convention like I did with most everything else at that point, but I didn't...I started smoking...I didn't even inhale at first, but was eventually taught how...the downfall....flash forward almost 20 years later....I have tried to quit smoking about 5 times. I hate that I do it. It makes me feel crappy, it makes me smell, it makes me cough, and it lowers my already compromised immune system. Also, I would want to smack my dad for literally fighting me for cigarettes after he had been in the hospital for breathing issues, and he would turn nasty, calling me one of the damn ungrateful daughters from "King Lear," because I wouldn't give him a True 100 after he was just disconnected from oxygen.
I vowed that I would not be so irrationally stubborn about my health as he, that I could quit whenever I felt like quitting. For those of you that have never been truly addicted to cigarettes and those of you that have, that understand this completely...oh....my....God.....not only do I have this constant edgy feeling, like things that would not normally irritate me, make me absolutely livid, noise, lights, stupid behavior...it's all there, picking away at my sanity bit by bit.....I wore the patch the first night, but I had the most disturbing dreams, that I can't sleep in it again, even though it helps, and the gum helps with those monster cravings where I would slit someone's throat in front of me if they had a pack of cigarettes.
Since Tuesday, I've had 3 cigarettes, which I think is amazing, and today, was put in a bit more focus, when dealing with Smitty's health situation. Smitty may have diabetes. He took his sugar a few days ago when he was feeling sluggish, and it was 378, which is crazy high. Mine was 101, which is good, but we are making some lifestyle changes. Funnily enough, we had already decided to quit tobacco as of June 1, which is what we've stuck by, but this sugar thing is a new development. We knew he was prone to diabetes, but I think we expected it to be later in life. It's fine, we will and can adjust, and he even pointed out the Folic Acid for me to take pre-pregnancy, so this has not derailed any plans of ours, but it does scare me. My dad was diagnosed as diabetic, and less than 15 years later, he died.
Granted, this was largely because he gave no mind to watching his diet or alcohol intake or any remote health adjustments, but I hear "diabetes," and I freak out...which Smitty does not respond well to...also, my freaking out is somewhat irrational even when I'm not quitting smoking, so, there you go...We will deal with it, as we deal with everything else, with a modicum of drama, but a majority of humor and coping, together....The most important thing to me right now is that we don't make a huge deal of nothing and that we adjust our lifestyles in a way that doesn't seem like we're stifling ourselves. I think we'll do it just fine, and I hope that it ends up being a weird blood sugar spike that doesn't necessarily mean diabetes, but may just mean, "Hey, Fatass Pasta Married People, are you kidding me? Watch it!"
All I know is that I can't let myself think about Smitty having to be on diabetes-related dialysis or something similar, not because I can't handle it, which I can, but don't want to, but because I don't want him to be in any unnecessary pain. I understand now, that what love means, is that I would gladly trade places with him, and take this health bullet myself. We talked about baby names today, and that is the sort of thing that makes me fill with a quiet content that I can't imagine not experiencing in 50+ years. Lord, I ask you, bless our family, and allow us to grow it as you see fit.
Oh, how I wish I could've bucked convention like I did with most everything else at that point, but I didn't...I started smoking...I didn't even inhale at first, but was eventually taught how...the downfall....flash forward almost 20 years later....I have tried to quit smoking about 5 times. I hate that I do it. It makes me feel crappy, it makes me smell, it makes me cough, and it lowers my already compromised immune system. Also, I would want to smack my dad for literally fighting me for cigarettes after he had been in the hospital for breathing issues, and he would turn nasty, calling me one of the damn ungrateful daughters from "King Lear," because I wouldn't give him a True 100 after he was just disconnected from oxygen.
I vowed that I would not be so irrationally stubborn about my health as he, that I could quit whenever I felt like quitting. For those of you that have never been truly addicted to cigarettes and those of you that have, that understand this completely...oh....my....God.....not only do I have this constant edgy feeling, like things that would not normally irritate me, make me absolutely livid, noise, lights, stupid behavior...it's all there, picking away at my sanity bit by bit.....I wore the patch the first night, but I had the most disturbing dreams, that I can't sleep in it again, even though it helps, and the gum helps with those monster cravings where I would slit someone's throat in front of me if they had a pack of cigarettes.
Since Tuesday, I've had 3 cigarettes, which I think is amazing, and today, was put in a bit more focus, when dealing with Smitty's health situation. Smitty may have diabetes. He took his sugar a few days ago when he was feeling sluggish, and it was 378, which is crazy high. Mine was 101, which is good, but we are making some lifestyle changes. Funnily enough, we had already decided to quit tobacco as of June 1, which is what we've stuck by, but this sugar thing is a new development. We knew he was prone to diabetes, but I think we expected it to be later in life. It's fine, we will and can adjust, and he even pointed out the Folic Acid for me to take pre-pregnancy, so this has not derailed any plans of ours, but it does scare me. My dad was diagnosed as diabetic, and less than 15 years later, he died.
Granted, this was largely because he gave no mind to watching his diet or alcohol intake or any remote health adjustments, but I hear "diabetes," and I freak out...which Smitty does not respond well to...also, my freaking out is somewhat irrational even when I'm not quitting smoking, so, there you go...We will deal with it, as we deal with everything else, with a modicum of drama, but a majority of humor and coping, together....The most important thing to me right now is that we don't make a huge deal of nothing and that we adjust our lifestyles in a way that doesn't seem like we're stifling ourselves. I think we'll do it just fine, and I hope that it ends up being a weird blood sugar spike that doesn't necessarily mean diabetes, but may just mean, "Hey, Fatass Pasta Married People, are you kidding me? Watch it!"
All I know is that I can't let myself think about Smitty having to be on diabetes-related dialysis or something similar, not because I can't handle it, which I can, but don't want to, but because I don't want him to be in any unnecessary pain. I understand now, that what love means, is that I would gladly trade places with him, and take this health bullet myself. We talked about baby names today, and that is the sort of thing that makes me fill with a quiet content that I can't imagine not experiencing in 50+ years. Lord, I ask you, bless our family, and allow us to grow it as you see fit.
Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other - it doesn't matter who it is and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other. -- Mother Teresa
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