The other day, Smitty said he was addicted to a brand of popcorn we get at Wal-Mart. I can't remember the name, it's in a red bag and in the chips aisle, but it is quite spectacular for a bagged treat. They have white cheddar (my personal favorite), movie theater butter, cinnamon (BLECH), and buffalo-flavored, which is so spicy, it makes my throat hurt. Nonetheless, I thought for a bit about the word "addiction."
It posed the question, "what am I addicted to?" Anyone have a spare Trapper Keeper? Seriously and honestly, I'm addicted to caffeine, nicotine, lip balm, Facebook, and having the last word. Yes, I drink alcohol, and I've had my share of unfavorable alcohol-fueled moments, but if someone said if I took another drink, I could die, I'd have no problem stopping that. As a child of co-dependency, what I have is a problem with self-control and overindulgence. Luckily, I've had a couple of wake-up calls and a monumentally supportive husband that keeps me from going cuckoo cachoo, and destructive addiction is not a problem for me anymore...unless you count a delicious food addiction and an aversion to exercise..but I don't, so shut up.
As the child of an alcoholic father, (I love and miss him dearly, but he was) I've had an up-close relationship with addiction and co-dependency, and unfortunately, that cycle continues. Sometimes, you don't notice these things until you have a little distance, or until you get some free, well-needed therapy, which I am unashamed to admit I've had.
Besides familiar experience with this, I have had friends I dearly love and have more in common and a more loving relationship with than members of my family struggle with addiction to the point of near death. And I've cut myself off from those people until they got help and demonstrated an actual change in their lives. Then, I let them back into my life. And thank God I made that decision to let them get help without my enabling, and thank God, they got the help they needed, and if they need a vital organ, now, J.C. or B.T.W., bail money, or a sympathetic ear, I am always available to them. Those people are among my best friends and people that I love unconditionally because they had inner strength to ask for and receive help.
However, there's always the flip side and when it comes to family, complication ensues. Bottom line, a family member has stolen from my parents, my sister, and myself most recently, and while I am perfectly capable of forgiveness, I also have the logical fortitude to recognize that, for myself and the health of my familial unit (Smitty + me = Team Smith), I cannot continue to entertain lies, denial, and multiple hurts at the hand of this person. They need help, a team of white-coated people, possibly, and until they agree to that, they don't exist to me. In theory, it makes me sound cold-hearted, maybe, but in the real world, where things are not lollipops and butterflies, it's how I choose to deal with this situation.
More than one person has told me recently that I "have issues" or "am a downer," and I'm really actually surprised by this characterization. Considering some things I've been through recently, I really do try to stay positive. My sense of humor is always intact. If you don't get it, maybe you're a moron, I dunno...but on the whole, I really do try to stay positive in the face of the black clouds that occasionally invade my monkey DJ's and my happy place. I've been sarcastic and outspoken since I was 9 years old. Don't confuse sass with negativity. Some thoughts? Do you think I'm negative?
5 comments:
I for one think you are fabulous and think I get where you are coming from!
Have happy New Years!
I think you are pleasantly sarcastic and outspoken...and that brash honesty is why you rock!
Excellent...thank you both..:)
"i am the bill clinton of drunk!"
"orange juice exists at my bidding."
i was there and we took notes . . .
HAHAHAHA...that's true, though...I am charisma, bitch!
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