I would buy you a monkey; haven't you always wanted a monkey?

I've been meaning to write all week, and I'm having one of those crazy Faulkner-thoughts weeks. I'm all over the place. This is partially due to the fact that I feel like I've been living at work what with required overtime for the past three days and getting ready to have my mom and brother come visit. I spent two hours tonight cleaning the kitchen with so much Clorox, it made me dizzy and a little nauseous...I guess that's how you know stuff is clean.

I've been thinking about my dad a lot this week. I always think about him, even if it's not at the forefront of my mind, but I guess with my mom visiting, I wish he was coming, too. It's so hard for me to realize and fully accept that I'm never going to see him again. I can be perfectly fine and then his face appears in my mind's eye, and I hear him calling me "little girly," and I have to use a great amount of social appropriateness not to start crying. I also think I'm more than a teensy bit neurotic about something happening to Smitty and other people I love. And this just manifests in my internally freaking out over every health thing Smitty mentions to me, so I don't tell him, or he'll stop telling me things...that's totally healthy, right?

On a related note, I can't stop reading Jodi Picoult books. They're sad, gut-wrenching, someone either dies or has some horrible disease, or both, yet, I'm strangely drawn. Don't get me wrong, she's a brilliant writer, which is one of the main reasons I think I keep reading them. Plus, I think I'm hoping that she'll write one where everyone is healthy, happy, and in love, and they go live in Never-Never Land. Fingers crossed. Maybe I'll just re-read the "Bell Jar" to cheer me up.

I am a disgrace to Netflix. I've had "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" for 2 weeks. I want to watch it, but I feel guilty kicking Smitty out of the living room, and for some reason, he refuses to watch it. This, after he made me watch "Avatar," "Death Race" (which I actually liked, but that's besides the point), all of those stupid "Underworld" movies, so I think he could at least try to watch it...but he's cute, so I'll forgive him.

I have this weird OCD thing with having to use straws for all drinks, and now, as a new development, I can only use straws that are in a complementary color to the cup...Before thinking about it, I asked Smitty if that seemed odd...you want to guess what he said? Yes, that Swedish psychiatry team should be calling anytime now. They could spend a week on the straws and refusing to use white washcloths or plates and having to have all of the froth from brushing my teeth wash down the drain before I can leave the bathroom...Have I mentioned I'm on medication?