Just a little patience...

Reason #47 on why I am like a child. I have ZERO patience..none, zip, zilch, the big goose egg. Example, I just spent 30 minutes wrestling with our laptop, which has decided to die for no apparent reason, and I actually think my blood pressure is higher. Couple that with the morons I drove behind on the way home, the fact that I couldn't get the cork out of the wine bottle, therefore pushing the cork into the wine and having to strain it as not to drink cork, and feeling my shoulders at the same level as my ears whenever I have to wait for ...anything...these things are not good.

I think Smitty thought it was cute or "quirky" when we first met. I do not think he subscribes to that theory anymore. I am mostly not allowed to go grocery shopping with him at Wal-Mart, because when people clog the aisles with their 7 children or their giant asses, I become unglued and quite belligerent, and he is afraid he will have to defend my honor or pick me up off the floor after Miss Redneck USA punches me for saying in what I think is a whisper, "Why don't you have more kids?"

The other night, there was a bug on the wall. Keep in mind, if it had just been a ladybug, like Smitty LIED to me and said it was, it would've been fine. But it was a spider, #2 behind sharks and before cows on my list of things that terrify me, so I stared at him until he got up to kill it. I imagined that after I discovered its hiding place on the wall, it was annoyed and would crawl in my ear and have baby spiders in my brain if it weren't destroyed. Perfectly logical, I thought, but Smitty said this was "crazy talk," whatever that is.

I remember the night before I moved into my dorm my freshman year, I was lying in my bed at my parents', leisurely reading. I may've even been writing about this most auspicious occasion, the "last" night in my childhood bed before college, and a spider crawled next to me in the bed. I screamed, jumped up, combed every inch of my room and decided, screw nostalgia, I'm sleeping in my sister's room my last night before college because I've angered the spider and it will bring a tiny mafia to kill me in my sleep. This would obviously keep me from going to college and realizing my dream of becoming an entertainment lawyer (which was my dream at the time) ...so crazy talk, I think not!