It's not easy being me...or green, to quote Kermit

I have been a huge slacker and haven't updated my blog in a long time. For the 4 of you that actually care, I do apologize. I've been sick off and on since Labor Day. I'm totally not kidding. I was beginning to think I was immune to antibiotics and really would have to live in a plastic bubble, when finally, this Round 5 of meds seems to be working. Praise the Lerd, Hallerlujah, as Madea would say.

I am so sore right now, it's not even funny. And before you give me credit for exercising, it's not from that. It's from decorating. Yes, you read that correctly. I had to decorate at work for a contest, and not only did I learn how out of shape I am, I learned that I should never, ever try to do anything artistically creative. I just don't have that gene. I can write you the most entertaining story on any obscure topic with only five minutes' notice, but if you ask me to draw or decorate, I'll have a mild panic attack. Smitty is a better decorator than I am. In fact, art contests in elementary really used to piss me off, because it was the one area of school (until math was introduced) in which I couldn't be the best. And I really felt the teachers were doing it on purpose because I occasionally corrected their grammar and was a know-it-all little shit.

My dad taught me how to draw Indians. They weren't particularly fancy Indians, but I could do them pretty well. As long as I have a template, I'm generally okay, like I could totally win that scholarship you get for tracing the turtle in the back of magazines. But, recently, my nephew demanded drawings of the animals in his animal book and when I tried to draw a giraffe, he said "that's not a giraffe," and I argued with a 3-year-old until I started laughing and then he started laughing, and I said, "Matthew, Aunt Emily can't draw. I'm sorry. Let's read." He was fairly disappointed. But he has to learn disappointment sometime.

So, I decided, because the theme for the contest was islands, we would do the Island of Misfit Toys, so I proceeded to bring our entire toy chest, reserved for nieces, nephews, children of friends, and me when I'm bored, to work, hang sock monkeys from cubicles, tape blocks to cubicles, I wrote a story about the island, and in the end, it was very, very sad. In my defense, no one helped me or offered a way to make it better, so, I actually deserve some props. People that don't contribute to things that can potentially benefit them bug me. I figure we spend at least half of our lives at work, so why not enjoy things, participate, and have fun? Oh, and do your job correctly..that's also a pet peeve.

On a completely unrelated note, this morning, I had the rare opportunity of getting breakfast for myself at McDonald's before I went to work. It was a reward for me going to my allergy doctor and also a celebration of not having to have sinus surgery for at least a year. So, as I pull into the drive-through, I notice a security guard...at 9 AM, mind you, wearing a plastic bag due to the rain, and he's motioning me to drive up to the drive-through ordering dealie. Um...yah, I live in America, so I'm pretty well acquainted with how the whole drive-through set up works. Then, when I pay at the first window, he directs me to the second window to get my food..Um, really? Dude, I can't go anywhere but forward. How exactly do you think you're helping me here? I finally asked the girl (in a realization I may be turning into my grandmother),"Why is this moron directing me where to go? I kind of understand the whole script for ordering through the drive-through." She said that he was driving them crazy and apparently just needed something to do. Although, I thought about it later and was mildly concerned that I went to a McDonald's that employs a day time security guard. Are people battling one another over Egg McMuffins?

So, I never really liked Halloween, unlike my bestie Amanda, who lives for it, seriously, I've never seen anyone over the age of 10, get that excited about Halloween. And even though I refuse to decorate for it (see above rant about decorating), I'm actually kind of excited about my costume, which would be the first costume I've worn in about 11 years. I'm going to be a cat burglar, as in I'm a burglar with a gun, handcuffs, and a money bag, but I will have cat ears...ergo, "cat burglar." Get it?? I figure as long as I amuse myself, it doesn't too much matter what others think. I wanted to be Betty White, but I couldn't find the right wig, and I chose not to be Slutty nurse/teacher/schoolgirl/proctologist, as some people use Halloween as an excuse to dress like complete hookers. I'm a married lady with dignity....and frankly, too much extra candy corn in the trunk to dress like slutty anything. So, I will carry a cap gun, wear a ski mask, if I can find one, and burgle as a feline hooligan.