What's the opposite of a health nut?

This weekend, I had the pleasure of watching "Super Size Me," a documentary by a guy named Morgan Spurlock who went on a diet of nothing but McDonald's food for an entire month.
The deal was, he ate everything on the menu at least once (even the Filet O' Fish, blech), and every time they asked him if he wanted to "super size," he did. All in all, he super-sized 9 times.
When he began, he weighed 185 and was in pretty good shape. He had 11% body fat and a cholesterol of 165. When he finished, he weighed 210, his body fat was 23% and his cholesterol was around 220. Also, every doctor that he went to told him that he had harmed his liver quite a bit by eating that much fat and sugar, even advising him to end his experiment early, but he didn't.
It took him almost 6 months to lose all of the weight. Crazy.
So, I started to think about all of the unhealthy things I do, and it's really quite sobering.
Now, I genuinely don't eat fast food that often. Every once in a while, I might get breakfast from McDonald's, but that's about it. And that's the most positive thing I can say about my health regiment.
I drink diet soda like there's nothing else in the world to drink. I am addicted to Diet Vanilla Pepsi. I used to be addicted to Mountain Dew, so that's a slight improvement, but diet drinks, while they don't contain sugar, contain aspartame, which has been linked to cancer. So, it's a question of preferring to be fat or preferring to increase your risk of cancer. Lovely choice.
As aforementioned, I smoke roughly a pack of cigarettes a day. I can't even begin to list all the adverse effects smoking has on a person. I have been smoking now for 12 years. That is crazy. I'm giving serious thought to quitting, as I am tired of being out of breath all the time and really tired of smelling like smoke. We'll see how that goes.
Now, I don't drink alcohol super often, maybe once or twice a week, but when I do, I drink too much at once. I suspect the reason my stomach seems to have regained part of its pre-Pennsylvania girth is that oh-so-tasty Pennsylvania treat, Yuengling lager. I truly love this beer, and it's starting to be a problem. Not a 12-step problem, but a "When's the baby due"? problem, and that's not good.
Let's see..I also either get way too much sleep or not enough, which has been linked to a number of health problems, and I never exercise. Oh, and I eat frozen food way too often to be considered a healthy eater.
So, I've clearly got some work cut out for myself.
Step one is to start going to the gym and eating better. I'm starting to eat a little better, but I really need to make an effort in that area, and I have GOT to go to the gym. Besides the stomach issue, I've had these jiggly areas under my arms for longer than I care to say, and you know what, I don't like 'em. I want Linda Hamilton in "Terminator 2" arms..not really, I think that would scare me, but you get the picture.
So, when I drag my lazy ass to the gym and maybe cut the I.V. of Diet Vanilla Pepsi, I'll be sure to let everyone know how the exercise and healthy living is treating me. Well, I'm probably a little ahead of myself. First, let's get through the beginnings of the exercise, and then we'll go from there.
Beefcake!!