Away I Go....

So, after much back and forth introspection, I am back in Birmingham, which is now my new, permanent home. I admit it; I was emotionally beaten and exhausted, and I thought that I couldn't possibly function here in the "big city" with just little ol' me and no husband. I kinda lost it and ran to my childhood home with my tail tucked to think about regrouping .... and I came to the most amazing realization. Home and my future are wherever I am.

Home is a great concept. I had a wonderful home growing up, and it gave me that "shelter from the storm" feeling until just recently. While I was kind of writhing in the self-pity of my separation and pending divorce, the worst feelings I had were those where I literally could not name what or where would make me feel better. I hate that; that used to only happen when I was sick, that feeling like you're so miserable, that there is nothing that would improve that. Nope, that's also called adulthood.

I realized that if I have to live with my mother to regroup because I'm sad, then I'm really never going to find good footing and be okay with myself. I decided to forge ahead, mildly terrified, and sink or swim on my own. Well, not completely on my own. The majority of my support system is actually here in Birmingham. The life I had when I lived in Mississippi doesn't really exist anymore, and there are no promising opportunities. I would have gotten a crappy job, probably decided not to go back to school, and probably married a complete dumbass. No thanks, I've already been to that carnival. (Disclaimer: my husband isn't a dumbass, we just didn't work, I don't want to be THAT girl, bad-mouthing the ex)

I'm actually excited. This is the first time in almost 8 years that I have to answer to no one but myself. It's liberating, to say the least. I can do whatever the freaking hell I want, (within reason and not using midgets or monkeys) and no one can say shit about it. I like that. I want to get in touch with my real, non-depressed self again and rediscover how fabulous I can be..ha...I partially jest. I actually do think I'm pretty fabulous, and I can now choose who surrounds me. I vow as little negativity as possible with as much laughter and adventure as possible.