It's really all about adjustment; I'm just slow

I am incredibly smart at some things, yet incredibly super slow at others. It has literally taken me over a year to pull my well-educated and intelligent head out of my ass and realize that even if my marriage is over, I am not. I still have good things to offer, and I have my whole life ahead of me. It only took one full year. Good thing I'm not a dog; I would've lost seven.

Speaking of dogs, Piper had her spaying surgery done today, and I felt like the world's worst human companion leaving her there while she was shaking like a leaf. I know she needs it, and it's better for her, but it didn't help the massive guilt trip I felt when she looked at me like, "How can do you this to me?" My hope is that it makes her stop trying to run away, and I also cannot even remotely deal with puppies. My dog will not be an unwed, pre-teen mother.

I am scheduled to be out of the house that I have known for the past five years in less than a month. Am I happy about this? Not entirely. Here are my thoughts: I am glad the house has sold, because when you're going through a divorce, you have all these loose ends. This is an end that will be tied, and I'm glad to see it. However, this is the one constant I've known for five years, and even when our marriage hit the fan, I had this place as a refuge. I have chipmunks, squirrels, etc...and my privacy. I now have to move to an apartment where I might have a crazy cat lady who bakes coming over. I dunno; I just don't like people. Is that so bad?

I am trying to behave like a great white shark. There is only forward movement and little rest. Oh, and I'll kill you if you get in my way...kidding. Seriously, I have never needed my inner strength like I need it now when so many rather large changes are going on in my life. I knew I had this strength; I just kind of have to summon it like a demon or genie.

Have you ever experienced a really tough time and something, however small, made you pull out of the nosedive and join the nice society again? I've had that experience. It was sort of a combination of things to metaphorically slap my clueless face and put me back in Emily mode. Oh, the world's in trouble now. I'm on a mission to prove my merit and worth, and you can say you knew me when I just wrote a blog...:P