Life is hard; duh

I'm having a kind of of pre-mid-life thing at the moment. Here is what I know. I don't like most people. I applaud the idea that people get you through life. However, I can count on both hands people that I genuinely love and admire and lean on in gruff situations, so....that doesn't help me much. I find myself thinking and wishing that I could be an idiot, completely oblivious to what's wrong and right and what feelings should actually mean. Read "Flowers for Algernon," although it's the single most depressing thing I ever read.  However, it really gives you the duplicate view of life.

I am grappling with this lovely mid-30s view of life. I don't particularly mind being my age, except everyone around me is either far exceeding or sadly far descending into a lifestyle to which I do not aspire. I think this is a strange age, mid-30s. When I was born, my mom was 37....gasp......but that was to a completely different generation. I may feel a failure on a couple of levels, but only one has a loud, ticking clock. I know you can't rush a baby, and I don't intend to, but my body has a bit of  a timeline.

By the way, God, I really don't find it to be fair that you allowed the men to procreate as long as there were swimmers, but you set a clock for us females. I love you and appreciate you, but I feel you might've made an oversight there....because what you get is nice, functional people like me who want babies, but are trying to be prudent.....and are 35!........And maybe now, 35 year-old people don't know what they want, because they didn't get married right out of high school. Can somebody...anybody...just give me a damn break? A small demi-tasse damn break?

On a less pissy note:

“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.” -- Oscar Wilde